Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
O__o
Lately, well not exactly lately, but more like the past two days, I've been hearing a bunch of friend talk, and it has gotten me thinking. Everybody seems to have an idea of what they want from their friends and/or bestfriends. Some expect, in my opinion, too much of their friends. Since this is going to be specifically about bestfriends, then I'll be addressing how I view a bestfriend. As the years go by, I technically only have one true bestfriend. I mean, when you think about it, how can you have multiple bests in one category? of course, that's taking it too literally. Anyway, I seem to have gotten my idea of how I think a best friend [why the hell do I keep spacing that lol] should be determined. Obviously, this person is Justin. Now, I don't really talk much to justin. I rarely see him school, and when I do see him, it's for a very brief period, usually being around 5-10 minutes. I talk to him outside of school though. This is where a key difference lies in what I see as a best friend, and what some others see. Appararently, In order for someone to be a person's best friend, he has to know everything about you, and help with all your problems, and basically be a second you. Now, I wholeheartedly disagree with that. Back to my previous example, Justin. Now, As I said, we talk out of school. Oddly enough, he knows almost NOTHING of my personal life. He knows that I play games and stuff, and that I have/had a GF, but that's pretty much it. To be honest, he probably knows the least about me, of all my best friends, but he's still my best, best friend lol. Note, We rarely talk, and we know almost nothing about each other, but we're still the coolesttt. =D
So, I seem to have this idea that I don't need to become some person that basically is a clone of another person. Like, that's wack. Let's go to two more examples, Sua and EJ. Now, you may say, Ej and I "fell off", but does that mean we're magically not besfriends? The reason I don't know anything about him is because I don't ask. I will always help him if he needs help or anything. I'll pretty much always be there for him. Just because I talk to him like once a year lol, doesn't mean I'm just going to "demote" him to a regular friend. If we don't talk much, so the **** what? He still acts the same towards me, and I the same for him, so why the **** does it matter? Sua is also in the same boat. Though I talk to her more than Ej, it's still not as much as Yvette, who seems to be my only constant source of communication. Sua and I are mad cool. Like that's basically it. The level of cool is mad high, so I think of her as my bestfriend. Not, because we always talk [pfffttt not at all], but because we can not talk for like a week, and just hop into a conversation without saying, we never talk, or some type of introduction that isn't necessary. We KNOW we don't talk often, and it's obviously not that big of a deal. Though I knowm more personal things about her than other people, and maybe her the same for me? idk lol. but ya though I know more, it's not like the only reason we talk. Where as Miles, seem to have this idea that we also "fell off". I'm used to it, because he always does it. He pushed me to the side for andrew before, and he's "pushing me to the side again". The reason this is in quotes is thathe didn't really push me to the side. It's more like I didn't really care about all his Girl problems and whatnot. Don't get me wrong, it's fun helping, but when EVERY ENCOUNTER HAS THE SAME RESULT it seems kinda pointless. Now, I'm nowhere close to saying that he isn't my best friends, though he may say it. Idc though. I'll think of him as my bestfriend. If he has a problem, then he can come to me, though He'd rather go to yvette. We don't talk AT ALL lol. I think we talk even less than Ej and I talk, and that's terrible lol, BUT! He's still mad cool, sometimes, and I'm not just going to be like okkkk, **** you, because he's had MINOR changes in his demeanor. Edem calls me lmfao. He's one of only THREE people that call me, and that's surprising lol. maybe, it's because he doens't have texting, and I'm never on facebook lol. Hmm that must be it. He's funny though, and we talk about real **** sometimes. Most of the time. It's just dumb stuff that doesn't matter like Mike tyson lolololol. That's pretty much our best friend thing. Laughs and real talk. Did I do yvette? lmfaaooo technically I have ahahaha lololol. Ok ok ok. but ya. I mean we were hitting best friend status before we went out, soooo it wasn't magically just going to change. Though ALOT of crap has happened between us, and that's something I like. When we can still be the almost bestest of friends [get raped by justin lol] evn thogh crap went down. like just get over ittt. That's the way to go. T\I know more abot her, and talk to her more than ANY OTHER FRIEND, [anyone noticing a trend?] anddd I get mad at her the most lol. stil ther for each other, even if "I don't make her happy anymore" lol. Man that cut me deep ahah. I'm missing someone. DAAAVVV. Now, I thought once he graduated then we would stop talking, but I talk to him so much. Though it's usually just dumb stuff like games. We're also doing the 99 bottles of beer on the wall through texts lol. It's mad cool that someone would go through that with me. We were always cool, but I expected something different than what I got. Vernonnn. We're cool. Always. Nothing more needs to be said. Same for Wendy. Like OH SNAP THAT MAKES FOUR PEOPLE THAT CALL lol. Just remembered.
Basically, I don't give a **** how much we talk. I don't care how much you know about me, or how much I know about you. As long as we're static, and We can go to each other at any time for practically anything, then You're my bestfriend.
Also, Smash tournaments are so fun =D
Traveling + meeting new people are great.
P.S: Ignore the errors -_-
So, I seem to have this idea that I don't need to become some person that basically is a clone of another person. Like, that's wack. Let's go to two more examples, Sua and EJ. Now, you may say, Ej and I "fell off", but does that mean we're magically not besfriends? The reason I don't know anything about him is because I don't ask. I will always help him if he needs help or anything. I'll pretty much always be there for him. Just because I talk to him like once a year lol, doesn't mean I'm just going to "demote" him to a regular friend. If we don't talk much, so the **** what? He still acts the same towards me, and I the same for him, so why the **** does it matter? Sua is also in the same boat. Though I talk to her more than Ej, it's still not as much as Yvette, who seems to be my only constant source of communication. Sua and I are mad cool. Like that's basically it. The level of cool is mad high, so I think of her as my bestfriend. Not, because we always talk [pfffttt not at all], but because we can not talk for like a week, and just hop into a conversation without saying, we never talk, or some type of introduction that isn't necessary. We KNOW we don't talk often, and it's obviously not that big of a deal. Though I knowm more personal things about her than other people, and maybe her the same for me? idk lol. but ya though I know more, it's not like the only reason we talk. Where as Miles, seem to have this idea that we also "fell off". I'm used to it, because he always does it. He pushed me to the side for andrew before, and he's "pushing me to the side again". The reason this is in quotes is thathe didn't really push me to the side. It's more like I didn't really care about all his Girl problems and whatnot. Don't get me wrong, it's fun helping, but when EVERY ENCOUNTER HAS THE SAME RESULT it seems kinda pointless. Now, I'm nowhere close to saying that he isn't my best friends, though he may say it. Idc though. I'll think of him as my bestfriend. If he has a problem, then he can come to me, though He'd rather go to yvette. We don't talk AT ALL lol. I think we talk even less than Ej and I talk, and that's terrible lol, BUT! He's still mad cool, sometimes, and I'm not just going to be like okkkk, **** you, because he's had MINOR changes in his demeanor. Edem calls me lmfao. He's one of only THREE people that call me, and that's surprising lol. maybe, it's because he doens't have texting, and I'm never on facebook lol. Hmm that must be it. He's funny though, and we talk about real **** sometimes. Most of the time. It's just dumb stuff that doesn't matter like Mike tyson lolololol. That's pretty much our best friend thing. Laughs and real talk. Did I do yvette? lmfaaooo technically I have ahahaha lololol. Ok ok ok. but ya. I mean we were hitting best friend status before we went out, soooo it wasn't magically just going to change. Though ALOT of crap has happened between us, and that's something I like. When we can still be the almost bestest of friends [get raped by justin lol] evn thogh crap went down. like just get over ittt. That's the way to go. T\I know more abot her, and talk to her more than ANY OTHER FRIEND, [anyone noticing a trend?] anddd I get mad at her the most lol. stil ther for each other, even if "I don't make her happy anymore" lol. Man that cut me deep ahah. I'm missing someone. DAAAVVV. Now, I thought once he graduated then we would stop talking, but I talk to him so much. Though it's usually just dumb stuff like games. We're also doing the 99 bottles of beer on the wall through texts lol. It's mad cool that someone would go through that with me. We were always cool, but I expected something different than what I got. Vernonnn. We're cool. Always. Nothing more needs to be said. Same for Wendy. Like OH SNAP THAT MAKES FOUR PEOPLE THAT CALL lol. Just remembered.
Basically, I don't give a **** how much we talk. I don't care how much you know about me, or how much I know about you. As long as we're static, and We can go to each other at any time for practically anything, then You're my bestfriend.
Also, Smash tournaments are so fun =D
Traveling + meeting new people are great.
P.S: Ignore the errors -_-
Friday, August 7, 2009
Alas
After a short interim in my blogging, if one considers a month and a few days short, I have finally managed to convince myself to click 'New Post' and start another memoir. It is not my Forte to not have a topic, but I really just feel like this is a time, when I should blog. Why? I am unsure, but some feeling stronger than Hercules himself, tells me that this is a period in which this blog will prove to be useful to someone. I am certain, that unlike many of the blogs I spew in my blind rage, this will prove to be useful now, and possibly later in life. As a young adult nearing the age of 18, I have some things I need to do. Get into college, get a job, get my license etc, but I am not really worried about any of that. For some inexplicable reaosn, I seem be under the impression that I would be worrying about nothing, when all of the aforementioned items, will have a big impact on my, and a few others, future. I have no plans, or anything of that sort. My only "plan" is to go with the flow of life. I think that with time comes gifts. In my eyes, everything one receives in life is a gift, whether it be from a "God" or from some stranger. From the moment one is born, to the time of impending death, everything one has received has been a gift. Therefore, I believe that things will just sort of fall into place. While it may seem delusional for me to recklessly dive head first into the future, a future that may hold countless amounts of hardships, and to think things will just fall into place, it is just how life has worked for me. It is hard being someone that is naturally talented in alot of things. One becomes lonely, because everything seems so boring. One doesn't know how it feels to work extremely hard, just to pass a class. It all just comes to me, with such an ease. I never know how it feels to work hard, because I have never had to do it, which, in turn, has pretty much made me the way I am. As such, I have a very short vision of the future. Tomorrow, though it may only be hours until that time, seems like millennia away. I can not possibly imagine to see my future years from now, or even what I would want it to be.
This blogspot thing is becoming increasingly popular in my circle of friends. The ability to write freely appeals to my friends I guess. With people that can't really express themselves in words, writing, or in this case typing, becomes their form of expression. To belay information with just their fingers and a keyboard, seems to draw in people to this site. When one reads other blogs, one either will feel enticed to create one's own personal space of revelations, or relegate oneself from the ghastly sight of one splurging oneself on the internet. Apparently, my friends, particularly Miles and Dave, have some sort of way to make the former happen. While I may not be the biggest fan of their work, I can not help but to marvel at their ability to inspire others. When they blog, they entice their readers to want more. With every word, they captivate their readers. They seem to convey this aura or sensation, that no human could ever resist. Erhm... I lied. Maybe, that was overexaggerating. Still, it's amazing to see how much influence ones writings can have. I, sometimes, feel inferior when I compare some of their stuff to mine. I do not do it intentionally. It just subconciously happens. As Miles would say, "my voice doesn't seem loud enough", or, as Dav would say, "I critique myself too hard". Anything, I can possibly spout from my brain, seems to be terribly written, and I think that I should discard it, no matter how good it may, or may not, be. Though I may seem to be harsh on Miles writings, I only do it because nobody else will. Not to say I want to "hate" on him, because he has no haters, because him having no haters would be a lie, but to say it because so many people praise his work, but they fail to see his mistakes. I tell him how good it is, but I point out his flaws. I think that the way people go about commenting his blogs are wrong sometimes. Yes, it is good that you give him credit, but I fail to see why you can't tell him that he could have done this better, or how you missed that connection you could have made. To me, that way shows him that while he is doing well, he can still improve. I only do it so he can be better, because it would be nice to see how good his writings may become.
I do not know why people like to see their names in others blogs. Maybe it is because it shows that one is thinking about the other person or something. I was talking to Sua, and she was happy because she was mentioned in some of my older blogs. I wanted to ask why, but I did not. Mostly because, at that time, it was not of any importance to me, and to be honest, it still isn't.
I am so out of tune with the social world. Everyone and everything seem so distant to me, for one reason or another. Of course, this is mostly my fault, due to me not really talking to anyone, but I always fail to see why I have to talk to someone first. Then again, it [almost] always seems that way to the person that starts talking.
I have become sooooo mellow. Like, I am ridiculously calm the majority of the time, unless I'm playing a game lol. Speaking of that, my GC controller broke. >.< I was immensly displeased to find out that it doesn't work anymore. Sadly, I am not sure how to get a new one. I will not be able to play brawl for awhile, which sucks, because I can not practice. Remember earlier, when, I was on the topic of how easy things come to me. Well, smash is different. I sucked so badly at smash, when I first stated playing. I just used to spam smashes, because they were the strongest moves. I thought that would lead to me winning, but I played HeaT one day and got utterly destroyed. When I play shooting games, or sports games, even puzzle games, everything seems to just come to me, but Smash is different. I had to practice to get good. I didn't magically attain the level of skill at which I am, by picking up the game. I practiced so much. I've never spent this much time on anything in my life, and I am proud of myself. While others think that I am wasting my time on some stupid game, I am quite content with how this has shaped me. In fact, this game correlates to my work ethic, which used to suck sooooo badly, until I learned how to approach things from this game. I think, that this game has made me a better person. Could I have done things differently and become an even better person? who knows? Too late to find out that.
~PF~
This blogspot thing is becoming increasingly popular in my circle of friends. The ability to write freely appeals to my friends I guess. With people that can't really express themselves in words, writing, or in this case typing, becomes their form of expression. To belay information with just their fingers and a keyboard, seems to draw in people to this site. When one reads other blogs, one either will feel enticed to create one's own personal space of revelations, or relegate oneself from the ghastly sight of one splurging oneself on the internet. Apparently, my friends, particularly Miles and Dave, have some sort of way to make the former happen. While I may not be the biggest fan of their work, I can not help but to marvel at their ability to inspire others. When they blog, they entice their readers to want more. With every word, they captivate their readers. They seem to convey this aura or sensation, that no human could ever resist. Erhm... I lied. Maybe, that was overexaggerating. Still, it's amazing to see how much influence ones writings can have. I, sometimes, feel inferior when I compare some of their stuff to mine. I do not do it intentionally. It just subconciously happens. As Miles would say, "my voice doesn't seem loud enough", or, as Dav would say, "I critique myself too hard". Anything, I can possibly spout from my brain, seems to be terribly written, and I think that I should discard it, no matter how good it may, or may not, be. Though I may seem to be harsh on Miles writings, I only do it because nobody else will. Not to say I want to "hate" on him, because he has no haters, because him having no haters would be a lie, but to say it because so many people praise his work, but they fail to see his mistakes. I tell him how good it is, but I point out his flaws. I think that the way people go about commenting his blogs are wrong sometimes. Yes, it is good that you give him credit, but I fail to see why you can't tell him that he could have done this better, or how you missed that connection you could have made. To me, that way shows him that while he is doing well, he can still improve. I only do it so he can be better, because it would be nice to see how good his writings may become.
I do not know why people like to see their names in others blogs. Maybe it is because it shows that one is thinking about the other person or something. I was talking to Sua, and she was happy because she was mentioned in some of my older blogs. I wanted to ask why, but I did not. Mostly because, at that time, it was not of any importance to me, and to be honest, it still isn't.
I am so out of tune with the social world. Everyone and everything seem so distant to me, for one reason or another. Of course, this is mostly my fault, due to me not really talking to anyone, but I always fail to see why I have to talk to someone first. Then again, it [almost] always seems that way to the person that starts talking.
I have become sooooo mellow. Like, I am ridiculously calm the majority of the time, unless I'm playing a game lol. Speaking of that, my GC controller broke. >.< I was immensly displeased to find out that it doesn't work anymore. Sadly, I am not sure how to get a new one. I will not be able to play brawl for awhile, which sucks, because I can not practice. Remember earlier, when, I was on the topic of how easy things come to me. Well, smash is different. I sucked so badly at smash, when I first stated playing. I just used to spam smashes, because they were the strongest moves. I thought that would lead to me winning, but I played HeaT one day and got utterly destroyed. When I play shooting games, or sports games, even puzzle games, everything seems to just come to me, but Smash is different. I had to practice to get good. I didn't magically attain the level of skill at which I am, by picking up the game. I practiced so much. I've never spent this much time on anything in my life, and I am proud of myself. While others think that I am wasting my time on some stupid game, I am quite content with how this has shaped me. In fact, this game correlates to my work ethic, which used to suck sooooo badly, until I learned how to approach things from this game. I think, that this game has made me a better person. Could I have done things differently and become an even better person? who knows? Too late to find out that.
~PF~
Monday, June 29, 2009
Ahh.
So, I'm in the middle of an argument again. It's pretty stupid in my opinion, but I'm going along with it. Anywhoo, I'm in the middle of an argument, and I just decided to stop. Not stop arguing, but stop trying to please people. Like, F*** them. I get pissed off so often. I don't really show it, but I do. When I do show it, for one split second, something goes wrong. Apparently, I'm supposed to be this happy person. Nowadays it's the opposite. I sit here, and I'm fine. nothing is wrong. I'm enjoying my day. then outta nowhere BAM, depression. It's like I'm not expected to be in a good mood. I was in an excellent mood when I awakened this afternoon. I was talkative and everything. Now, I'm just as mad and sad as I was yesterday, and the day before. I want to be happy, but it seems like I can't. these little things didn't used to get to me so much, but now, life is really hitting me in the face, like life hit me so hard that the me in this metaphor died. I have no job, no future, no present. Maybe this is just the depression talking, but meh. I just don't seem to be able to shrug off the things I could before.
I hate opening up to people. Like, I try to be all nice and stuff, for awhile. eventually, someone would have to meet the true me. Everytime some does, he just seems to get mad at me all the time. I'm always mad. I don't care how happy I am. WIth that happiness, i'm mad. I can be both happy and mad at the same time. I can be mad and mad at the same time. Usually i'm happy and mad. It's just how I am. So, when somebody does something to annoy me, it adds to my mad and subtracts from my happy. I'm just an angry person at heart.
I hate when people complain about things that are in their control. Like when people say their life sucks, then they can make it unsuck. and if it's too late, then it's probably their fault that their life sucks in the first place. Or, say that somebody started smoking and drinking and stuff, but now they can't quit. They blame the drugs instead of themselves. Ah! but I do seem to hate when people put too much blame on themselves, like I usually do.
I wonder if anyone actually know what a blog is. Like it actually is a weblog. A log on the web, or blog for short. haha that almost sounded like a dictionary definition.
I wacthed family guy for the first time in awhile the other day. That s*** was tooooooo funny. lmfao lmfao lolololl lmaoooo hahahaha. Peter is hilarious.
I just remembered, when yvette told me that people wonder what I'm thinking. Why the hell would someone want to know what I'm thinking? lmfaooo I actually kinda want someone to answer that haha.
I was just told that someone couldn't react to me the way that they wanted to, because they don't know how I'll react. I wonder if I scare people. Or do I like, Idk, uh change people I guess? not really what I was looking for. Uhm.. do I idk maaannn. dang. I just wonder if people react to me differently, because... scratch that... I just wonder why people react to me differently than others. I mean obviously, because it's me, but like what about me.
I'm about to go watch some TV.
I hate opening up to people. Like, I try to be all nice and stuff, for awhile. eventually, someone would have to meet the true me. Everytime some does, he just seems to get mad at me all the time. I'm always mad. I don't care how happy I am. WIth that happiness, i'm mad. I can be both happy and mad at the same time. I can be mad and mad at the same time. Usually i'm happy and mad. It's just how I am. So, when somebody does something to annoy me, it adds to my mad and subtracts from my happy. I'm just an angry person at heart.
I hate when people complain about things that are in their control. Like when people say their life sucks, then they can make it unsuck. and if it's too late, then it's probably their fault that their life sucks in the first place. Or, say that somebody started smoking and drinking and stuff, but now they can't quit. They blame the drugs instead of themselves. Ah! but I do seem to hate when people put too much blame on themselves, like I usually do.
I wonder if anyone actually know what a blog is. Like it actually is a weblog. A log on the web, or blog for short. haha that almost sounded like a dictionary definition.
I wacthed family guy for the first time in awhile the other day. That s*** was tooooooo funny. lmfao lmfao lolololl lmaoooo hahahaha. Peter is hilarious.
I just remembered, when yvette told me that people wonder what I'm thinking. Why the hell would someone want to know what I'm thinking? lmfaooo I actually kinda want someone to answer that haha.
I was just told that someone couldn't react to me the way that they wanted to, because they don't know how I'll react. I wonder if I scare people. Or do I like, Idk, uh change people I guess? not really what I was looking for. Uhm.. do I idk maaannn. dang. I just wonder if people react to me differently, because... scratch that... I just wonder why people react to me differently than others. I mean obviously, because it's me, but like what about me.
I'm about to go watch some TV.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Meh.
I get so F***ing tired of things sometimes. Like if I were to just sit there and think about some things, and how they end, I would be extremely mad. I don't even know why. I'm supposed to be living this great life and whatnot. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right. It's kinda just there, which is good I guess. I mean, who wants to be dead? hmm... bad question lol. anyway, I feel like I'm not really good at anything right now. Maybe smash, but I even feel like I suck at that. I got 33rd out of 51 at my last tournament, meaning I beat one single person in a set. I lost to a scrub and someone decent that I know I could have beaten. I get so upset when I lose to people that aren't really better than I am. I was just thinking about how much effort I put into that game, and how i still lose to mediocre players. I play people and I can read them, but there isn't a single thing I can do about it. When it all comes down to it, I realize that the character I play is holding me back. I can't get around stupid stuff, because I don't have a way around it. I should be able it punish mistakes but i can't. I just sit there and get hit by the same stuff over and over again. It's sooooo F***ing frustrating. Like, dude wtf? you aren't even outplaying me, you're just spamming s*** that I can't get around. I should be better than this. I should be getting close to top 8 at these tournaments and I'm not, because some stupid B**** will pick a character and just press the same button over and over again, then I lose. I shouldn't have to deal with that S*** and I don't. I really shouldn't be complaining, because I can switch characters, but I don't want to. I shouldn't have to switch just because of some Bull*** in the game. whatever. I'll just get better and hopefully i'll learn to get around this stuff.
I also realize that I get tired of people, if I don't see them. Like, I don't know what the problem is, but I just stop really caring after awhile. Like Edem for example. I really can not put my finger on it, but I really don't care about him at the moment. I could easily see me not talking to him ever again, and not caring. He's not the only person that I view like this. There are plenty of people i see in my life now that I would not give eight F***s if they weren't there anymore. Most of them already seem like they aren't.
I'm poor. I need a job. I can't do alot of the things I want to do, because I have no money. If I were to have a job, htne I would have money. Sadly, I seem to fail at getting hired. Maybe, I should just ask more places for applications. I'm bound to get hired eventually.
I'm on the phone right now, if I want to call it that. I don't even have the phone to my ear. It's kinda just sitting around me, just in case a word is spoken. Anywhoo, as I'm sitting here, I began to wonder, "Why the H*** am i sitting here?". Like, Dude I don't even go with this girl anymore, and I'm still on the phone not saying anything at all.
Lately, more and more people have been calling me depressed. Now, I've been called depressed for years, but like it hasn't been as prevalent as it is now. It's like everyday somebody asks me why I look so depressed, including people I never met in my life. I didn't actually start feeling depressed until like a month or two ago. It's gotten to the point where I would call someone, and their mother would ask why I SOUND depressed.
I have a sleeping problem. That S*** always comes back to haunt me every now and then. I told myself I wouldn't fall into a bad sleeping habit this summer, but I did. It kinda sucks, because I usually want to do stuff during the day, but I wake up too late.
I hate when people talk about me. Like, not even negatively. Like just if someone were talking about me to someone else, it would just piss me off. I don't know why though. It's just kinda annoying to me. Like dude. Wth are you talking about me?
The other day, I realized that if I'm talking to someone, as rare as that may be, I have to know where they are. I don't exactly know why, but I have to know where the person is. It's pretty weird.
I guess I'm done for now. blah blah blah. Yaaaaaa.
I also realize that I get tired of people, if I don't see them. Like, I don't know what the problem is, but I just stop really caring after awhile. Like Edem for example. I really can not put my finger on it, but I really don't care about him at the moment. I could easily see me not talking to him ever again, and not caring. He's not the only person that I view like this. There are plenty of people i see in my life now that I would not give eight F***s if they weren't there anymore. Most of them already seem like they aren't.
I'm poor. I need a job. I can't do alot of the things I want to do, because I have no money. If I were to have a job, htne I would have money. Sadly, I seem to fail at getting hired. Maybe, I should just ask more places for applications. I'm bound to get hired eventually.
I'm on the phone right now, if I want to call it that. I don't even have the phone to my ear. It's kinda just sitting around me, just in case a word is spoken. Anywhoo, as I'm sitting here, I began to wonder, "Why the H*** am i sitting here?". Like, Dude I don't even go with this girl anymore, and I'm still on the phone not saying anything at all.
Lately, more and more people have been calling me depressed. Now, I've been called depressed for years, but like it hasn't been as prevalent as it is now. It's like everyday somebody asks me why I look so depressed, including people I never met in my life. I didn't actually start feeling depressed until like a month or two ago. It's gotten to the point where I would call someone, and their mother would ask why I SOUND depressed.
I have a sleeping problem. That S*** always comes back to haunt me every now and then. I told myself I wouldn't fall into a bad sleeping habit this summer, but I did. It kinda sucks, because I usually want to do stuff during the day, but I wake up too late.
I hate when people talk about me. Like, not even negatively. Like just if someone were talking about me to someone else, it would just piss me off. I don't know why though. It's just kinda annoying to me. Like dude. Wth are you talking about me?
The other day, I realized that if I'm talking to someone, as rare as that may be, I have to know where they are. I don't exactly know why, but I have to know where the person is. It's pretty weird.
I guess I'm done for now. blah blah blah. Yaaaaaa.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Str8eight.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
My facebook password lol
i never blogged yesterdayyyy.
well at least i never finished. brittany's party was teh sex like i thought it would be. I thought more people would show and I could tell she was a little disappointed with the turnout. There was only five people there; six including her, instead of the supposed to be like 10 - 15. alot of people bailed adn didn't show. waaacckkk. it was maaaaddd fun. the dog was being stupid at the end. i had lots of food and it was just cool stuffz. haha we suck at rock band lmaaaooo. "We got four people on the drum kit and we're still failing". It was nice seeing squid and kwuan after such a long time. I thought i would never see them again. haha Squid forgot my theme song. ya. it was cool. today is pretty cool as well. it's easter. I thought of something in church like i usually do, but i forgot it lol. Was supposed to get my suit, but the stores are like closed. Prom is saturday and idk what i'm wearing. wait... ya i do lol. yvette doesn't. ahh. ya read some more of this book. it doesn't really appeal to me. School starts in two daysssss. ahhhhhhhhhhhh lol. well ya guess i better get going.
8!
eighth blog.
oh craaaapppp forgot some stuff that happened yesterday. first thing being I had my first dream in like months that didn't habe Tashauna in it. meehhhh usually i like to leave ambiguity for my readers, but this is one of the times where i can't do that. when i said her not being in one of my dreams. i meant as a friend, and STRICTLY a friend. Even by saying that i'm sure someone will think something of it. make a big deal or whatnot. she's not even the main focus. she likes disappears after while. it seems like the dreams are before the whole mess happened last year. The disappearances are also pretty awkward. maybe i'm longing for the past? or do i just want to be friends again? who knows? that doesn't even seem possible under today's circumstances. AND!...
i used a towel yesterday for the first time in like ever lol. For those who don't know, [which is pretty much everyone] i usually don't use towels when i get out the shower. i usually just put on my robe and dry myself in front of my heater. haha au naturale. i think that's how it's spelled. actually i don't think that's how it's spelled lol. ya the whole towel thing seemed so monumental to me. what elseee? i remembered this part like three hours later than my original post lmao. more is sure to come. ok not sure, but it's possible.
My facebook password lol
i never blogged yesterdayyyy.
well at least i never finished. brittany's party was teh sex like i thought it would be. I thought more people would show and I could tell she was a little disappointed with the turnout. There was only five people there; six including her, instead of the supposed to be like 10 - 15. alot of people bailed adn didn't show. waaacckkk. it was maaaaddd fun. the dog was being stupid at the end. i had lots of food and it was just cool stuffz. haha we suck at rock band lmaaaooo. "We got four people on the drum kit and we're still failing". It was nice seeing squid and kwuan after such a long time. I thought i would never see them again. haha Squid forgot my theme song. ya. it was cool. today is pretty cool as well. it's easter. I thought of something in church like i usually do, but i forgot it lol. Was supposed to get my suit, but the stores are like closed. Prom is saturday and idk what i'm wearing. wait... ya i do lol. yvette doesn't. ahh. ya read some more of this book. it doesn't really appeal to me. School starts in two daysssss. ahhhhhhhhhhhh lol. well ya guess i better get going.
8!
eighth blog.
oh craaaapppp forgot some stuff that happened yesterday. first thing being I had my first dream in like months that didn't habe Tashauna in it. meehhhh usually i like to leave ambiguity for my readers, but this is one of the times where i can't do that. when i said her not being in one of my dreams. i meant as a friend, and STRICTLY a friend. Even by saying that i'm sure someone will think something of it. make a big deal or whatnot. she's not even the main focus. she likes disappears after while. it seems like the dreams are before the whole mess happened last year. The disappearances are also pretty awkward. maybe i'm longing for the past? or do i just want to be friends again? who knows? that doesn't even seem possible under today's circumstances. AND!...
i used a towel yesterday for the first time in like ever lol. For those who don't know, [which is pretty much everyone] i usually don't use towels when i get out the shower. i usually just put on my robe and dry myself in front of my heater. haha au naturale. i think that's how it's spelled. actually i don't think that's how it's spelled lol. ya the whole towel thing seemed so monumental to me. what elseee? i remembered this part like three hours later than my original post lmao. more is sure to come. ok not sure, but it's possible.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
almost eight
Title means it's almost my eighth blog.
yaayyyuhhhzzzzz.
i feel like a n00b compared to dav who has like fricken 100.
anywhoo. this is going to be an ongoing blog. like i'll type things as they happen.
i wake up to this crap. some odd way miles just so happened to find my blogspot. Yvette is mad because i wondered why she wanteed to be friends with someone that i'll obviously have to start communicating, though she doesn't want me communicating with her. for all that i could just start talking to her now. and, to top it all off, it's raining. why is miles telling me not to look at his blog like i've read any of them? what bothers me is that he mysteriously found my blog. how did that happen? meh i'll ask, though i'm pretty sure i know the answer. so she asks me if i regret going back with her. like huh? does that even sound like it makes sense. maybe i just didn't make my last blog clear enough. lmfao, so i was right on how he found it. should make another blogspot. i found out that somethings i do are actually for myself and this is one of them. I'm getting slightly annoyed by the fact that i'm getting questioned about things that i already said. i always wondered who i am. like everyone sees me in a completely different way than i do. My parents think i'm some gifted genius that could have done anything with his life that he wanted. others see that --- pause. haha i got the from B.G. so... some odd way. i keep getting the same thing of i regret going back with her. WHAT...THE...FUCK... like are you kidding me? that doesn't even sound like it makes sense. i'm pretty sure i said i would like to see how different things would be. hth is that = i regret going back with you?
if i were to read what i wrote, then i would be ok with it. i'm not understanding it. So... i'm guessing the whole "if i could do it all over again, i wouldn't go back with yvette" thing is the only thing people pay attention to. i'm pretty sure i explained why afterwards. shit is beginning to piss me off. so she goes off and writes this huge a blog about things that i wondered? i can't wonder now. lol geez just kill me now if that's the case. the funniest thing is... it's a blog about a misinterpretation and a question with my reasoning as to why i see it as being an iffy idea. One thing i noticed is... people seemed to she, in particular, only seemed to focus on the first two things i said. like what about the rest of it? you're not going to question me about anything else. this is bullshit. makes no sense to me at all. maybe if somebody said something different then i could see it making sense. --- too. like really what do people see in me? My teachers, my parents, my peers. It is like I open up their eyes. like one math teacher, K-wizzle of 3-point-1-4 lmao, he once said "sometimes i look at you and i see something different" idk wtf that meant. it was clear to me that he saw something in me that he doesn't see in others. sua once told me that i was her inpiration to be herself. miles said that he wouldn't be him if it weren't for me. I... don't get it. i'm just a kid. well a young adult now lol. most of you will never see me again after high school. man... fucking people. another thing. do... people really think that I didn't have to make a choice. ok so apparently there is this stigma going around that when you cheat it doens't hurt you. hold up... what? dude are you serious? let's think about this. you love two people. you have to pick ONE. this decisions isn't going to hurt. of course not it only decides your future relationship between one of them. it can't hurt. >_> dumbasses. omg marcus you hurt me so much. i fucking hurt myself. maybe people forget that i had to choose. it's because i did the wrong thing that it can't hurt me. Then i get some dumb shit like it hurt so much. i know how it feels.
The thing that bothers me the most of out anything is that this blog had so much of an effect. My thoughts... not actions... not an intention.... just something i wondered caused all this controversy.
Miles... i don't know your blogspot lmao
it's kind of hard to read something i can't see lol.
hopefully brittany's party is teh sexxoorrrrzzzz.
lighten up my day a bit.
yaayyyuhhhzzzzz.
i feel like a n00b compared to dav who has like fricken 100.
anywhoo. this is going to be an ongoing blog. like i'll type things as they happen.
i wake up to this crap. some odd way miles just so happened to find my blogspot. Yvette is mad because i wondered why she wanteed to be friends with someone that i'll obviously have to start communicating, though she doesn't want me communicating with her. for all that i could just start talking to her now. and, to top it all off, it's raining. why is miles telling me not to look at his blog like i've read any of them? what bothers me is that he mysteriously found my blog. how did that happen? meh i'll ask, though i'm pretty sure i know the answer. so she asks me if i regret going back with her. like huh? does that even sound like it makes sense. maybe i just didn't make my last blog clear enough. lmfao, so i was right on how he found it. should make another blogspot. i found out that somethings i do are actually for myself and this is one of them. I'm getting slightly annoyed by the fact that i'm getting questioned about things that i already said. i always wondered who i am. like everyone sees me in a completely different way than i do. My parents think i'm some gifted genius that could have done anything with his life that he wanted. others see that --- pause. haha i got the from B.G. so... some odd way. i keep getting the same thing of i regret going back with her. WHAT...THE...FUCK... like are you kidding me? that doesn't even sound like it makes sense. i'm pretty sure i said i would like to see how different things would be. hth is that = i regret going back with you?
if i were to read what i wrote, then i would be ok with it. i'm not understanding it. So... i'm guessing the whole "if i could do it all over again, i wouldn't go back with yvette" thing is the only thing people pay attention to. i'm pretty sure i explained why afterwards. shit is beginning to piss me off. so she goes off and writes this huge a blog about things that i wondered? i can't wonder now. lol geez just kill me now if that's the case. the funniest thing is... it's a blog about a misinterpretation and a question with my reasoning as to why i see it as being an iffy idea. One thing i noticed is... people seemed to she, in particular, only seemed to focus on the first two things i said. like what about the rest of it? you're not going to question me about anything else. this is bullshit. makes no sense to me at all. maybe if somebody said something different then i could see it making sense. --- too. like really what do people see in me? My teachers, my parents, my peers. It is like I open up their eyes. like one math teacher, K-wizzle of 3-point-1-4 lmao, he once said "sometimes i look at you and i see something different" idk wtf that meant. it was clear to me that he saw something in me that he doesn't see in others. sua once told me that i was her inpiration to be herself. miles said that he wouldn't be him if it weren't for me. I... don't get it. i'm just a kid. well a young adult now lol. most of you will never see me again after high school. man... fucking people. another thing. do... people really think that I didn't have to make a choice. ok so apparently there is this stigma going around that when you cheat it doens't hurt you. hold up... what? dude are you serious? let's think about this. you love two people. you have to pick ONE. this decisions isn't going to hurt. of course not it only decides your future relationship between one of them. it can't hurt. >_> dumbasses. omg marcus you hurt me so much. i fucking hurt myself. maybe people forget that i had to choose. it's because i did the wrong thing that it can't hurt me. Then i get some dumb shit like it hurt so much. i know how it feels.
The thing that bothers me the most of out anything is that this blog had so much of an effect. My thoughts... not actions... not an intention.... just something i wondered caused all this controversy.
Miles... i don't know your blogspot lmao
it's kind of hard to read something i can't see lol.
hopefully brittany's party is teh sexxoorrrrzzzz.
lighten up my day a bit.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Bottle.
If...
I were to use any noun to decribe my self, Bottle would be the noun. A tightly sealed bottle to be exact" not even letting air inside. probably why i'm asthmetic haha. Not a bottle full of a beverage of any type; just a bottle full of thoughts. The most recurring thought being: What if i did 'this'?". I'm not that big of a bottle. somewhere around 8 oz. So every now and then i tend to explode. i can only keep so much inside me. With more and more thoughts coming to me, i'm bound to explode if i keep in all my thoughts.
Today, from the time that i awakened, i have had quite a few thoughts that have bothered me today. To stop my self from exploding i release a few. where? anywhere. on paper, here, when i'm talking to people; wherever i can find that satisfies me. once enough is out i stop. i think i'll do them here today.
first thought since i awakened was, "If i could do last summer over again, what would i do differently?"
It's actually a pretty basic answer. I wouldn't go back with yvette. That would change everything, which is exactly what i want. i wouldn't go back to never cheating on her. that's boring. if i get a chance to go back and all i do is do something that will probably have the same result, what fun would that be? the thing is: i do not know how things would be if i did not go back with yvette and tell the world i cheated on her. and that is what i wonder...
second thought.
why the hell is Yvette going to the movies wih Tashauna?
Maybe I missed something here, but i'm pretty sure Tashauna is the girl that i pretty much went out of my way to please, WHILE GOING WITH YVETTE. Now, i'm all for people being friendly, but really? how smart does that look. oh i'm just going to go to the movies with the person my BF cheated on me with on multiple occasions. We're trying to be friends. lmfaaaooooo. makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Besides Nothing can happen between Tashauna and me. We stopped caring about each other last year. hahahahahaha. Good luck trying to keep her away from me and vice versa. It's not like we're going to see/talk each other ever again. of course not she'll just go with you somewhere that i happen to go and we'll ignore each other the whole time. even when you aren't around lmfaaooo.
third.
does she really want to be friends with everyone?
Like really. wtf happened to "idc about anyone. f*** you. f*** you and f*** you too."? seems like she threw that out the window and decided to try and befriend EVERYBODY. eh whatever floats your boat.
next.
well it's just a realization, but... idk wtf yvette is.
Well i was sitting in the car pulling up to ihop and realized that... she's pretty much a combination of every single person i know. like seriously... i can go down the list of people she can be. i'm not going to, but i can. I just remembered how last summer she reminded me so much of nataki. Now it's a combo of sua, miles, and aja. oh and a little bit of Nataki. Once i even thought "hey tashauna used to say that to me on the phone".I was really this [.] close to saying that she reminded me of tashauna, but... let's not go down that road lol. She had an orignal moment and i forgot what it was. something that only she does and she got it from herself and not anyone else.... crap i forgot, but i did have it. I guess it comes from her not knowing what she wants to be.
blaaaaahhhhhhh.
best thought ever lol.
I opened my bottle just a little... HOW THE F*** is rainman this genius.? lol
daaannngggg s*** is ridiculous.
ohhhh forgot one.
Do i do things for me or for others?
it originally was does she blah blah blah, but i chenged it, because i wondered it about myself. Like... this blog for example. is it really for me to release my thoughts to prevent explosions, or is it just for other people to see what i'm thinking. i never seem to knkow my intentions when i do something, unless it's a joke or I want to find out info. other times i'm confused on why i do some of the things i do.
had another one. i forrghggooottoytfhnsdrgethv;l6dexcghbjoijuyhreioiuyhjgfswiiuytfrejouytrfsdeedcgvfh. forgot.
--------------------------------------------------------------
so like... I read Nat's blog and I feel as though i should retract my statement about yvette. well one of them lol. I guess i do know her. It's easier to say she,s constantly making additions to herself, instead of saying i don't know her. That's ridiculous. Everything else still stands.
I were to use any noun to decribe my self, Bottle would be the noun. A tightly sealed bottle to be exact" not even letting air inside. probably why i'm asthmetic haha. Not a bottle full of a beverage of any type; just a bottle full of thoughts. The most recurring thought being: What if i did 'this'?". I'm not that big of a bottle. somewhere around 8 oz. So every now and then i tend to explode. i can only keep so much inside me. With more and more thoughts coming to me, i'm bound to explode if i keep in all my thoughts.
Today, from the time that i awakened, i have had quite a few thoughts that have bothered me today. To stop my self from exploding i release a few. where? anywhere. on paper, here, when i'm talking to people; wherever i can find that satisfies me. once enough is out i stop. i think i'll do them here today.
first thought since i awakened was, "If i could do last summer over again, what would i do differently?"
It's actually a pretty basic answer. I wouldn't go back with yvette. That would change everything, which is exactly what i want. i wouldn't go back to never cheating on her. that's boring. if i get a chance to go back and all i do is do something that will probably have the same result, what fun would that be? the thing is: i do not know how things would be if i did not go back with yvette and tell the world i cheated on her. and that is what i wonder...
second thought.
why the hell is Yvette going to the movies wih Tashauna?
Maybe I missed something here, but i'm pretty sure Tashauna is the girl that i pretty much went out of my way to please, WHILE GOING WITH YVETTE. Now, i'm all for people being friendly, but really? how smart does that look. oh i'm just going to go to the movies with the person my BF cheated on me with on multiple occasions. We're trying to be friends. lmfaaaooooo. makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Besides Nothing can happen between Tashauna and me. We stopped caring about each other last year. hahahahahaha. Good luck trying to keep her away from me and vice versa. It's not like we're going to see/talk each other ever again. of course not she'll just go with you somewhere that i happen to go and we'll ignore each other the whole time. even when you aren't around lmfaaooo.
third.
does she really want to be friends with everyone?
Like really. wtf happened to "idc about anyone. f*** you. f*** you and f*** you too."? seems like she threw that out the window and decided to try and befriend EVERYBODY. eh whatever floats your boat.
next.
well it's just a realization, but... idk wtf yvette is.
Well i was sitting in the car pulling up to ihop and realized that... she's pretty much a combination of every single person i know. like seriously... i can go down the list of people she can be. i'm not going to, but i can. I just remembered how last summer she reminded me so much of nataki. Now it's a combo of sua, miles, and aja. oh and a little bit of Nataki. Once i even thought "hey tashauna used to say that to me on the phone".I was really this [.] close to saying that she reminded me of tashauna, but... let's not go down that road lol. She had an orignal moment and i forgot what it was. something that only she does and she got it from herself and not anyone else.... crap i forgot, but i did have it. I guess it comes from her not knowing what she wants to be.
blaaaaahhhhhhh.
best thought ever lol.
I opened my bottle just a little... HOW THE F*** is rainman this genius.? lol
daaannngggg s*** is ridiculous.
ohhhh forgot one.
Do i do things for me or for others?
it originally was does she blah blah blah, but i chenged it, because i wondered it about myself. Like... this blog for example. is it really for me to release my thoughts to prevent explosions, or is it just for other people to see what i'm thinking. i never seem to knkow my intentions when i do something, unless it's a joke or I want to find out info. other times i'm confused on why i do some of the things i do.
had another one. i forrghggooottoytfhnsdrgethv;l6dexcghbjoijuyhreioiuyhjgfswiiuytfrejouytrfsdeedcgvfh. forgot.
--------------------------------------------------------------
so like... I read Nat's blog and I feel as though i should retract my statement about yvette. well one of them lol. I guess i do know her. It's easier to say she,s constantly making additions to herself, instead of saying i don't know her. That's ridiculous. Everything else still stands.
Friday, January 30, 2009
emotions
Sometimes, I think emotions get in the way of things. I will elaborate more later. As of now, I shall head to bed. I am probably going to start blogging more frequently again. I kinda miss typing about stuffz lol.
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