Alas

After a short interim in my blogging, if one considers a month and a few days short, I have finally managed to convince myself to click 'New Post' and start another memoir. It is not my Forte to not have a topic, but I really just feel like this is a time, when I should blog. Why? I am unsure, but some feeling stronger than Hercules himself, tells me that this is a period in which this blog will prove to be useful to someone. I am certain, that unlike many of the blogs I spew in my blind rage, this will prove to be useful now, and possibly later in life. As a young adult nearing the age of 18, I have some things I need to do. Get into college, get a job, get my license etc, but I am not really worried about any of that. For some inexplicable reaosn, I seem be under the impression that I would be worrying about nothing, when all of the aforementioned items, will have a big impact on my, and a few others, future. I have no plans, or anything of that sort. My only "plan" is to go with the flow of life. I think that with time comes gifts. In my eyes, everything one receives in life is a gift, whether it be from a "God" or from some stranger. From the moment one is born, to the time of impending death, everything one has received has been a gift. Therefore, I believe that things will just sort of fall into place. While it may seem delusional for me to recklessly dive head first into the future, a future that may hold countless amounts of hardships, and to think things will just fall into place, it is just how life has worked for me. It is hard being someone that is naturally talented in alot of things. One becomes lonely, because everything seems so boring. One doesn't know how it feels to work extremely hard, just to pass a class. It all just comes to me, with such an ease. I never know how it feels to work hard, because I have never had to do it, which, in turn, has pretty much made me the way I am. As such, I have a very short vision of the future. Tomorrow, though it may only be hours until that time, seems like millennia away. I can not possibly imagine to see my future years from now, or even what I would want it to be.

This blogspot thing is becoming increasingly popular in my circle of friends. The ability to write freely appeals to my friends I guess. With people that can't really express themselves in words, writing, or in this case typing, becomes their form of expression. To belay information with just their fingers and a keyboard, seems to draw in people to this site. When one reads other blogs, one either will feel enticed to create one's own personal space of revelations, or relegate oneself from the ghastly sight of one splurging oneself on the internet. Apparently, my friends, particularly Miles and Dave, have some sort of way to make the former happen. While I may not be the biggest fan of their work, I can not help but to marvel at their ability to inspire others. When they blog, they entice their readers to want more. With every word, they captivate their readers. They seem to convey this aura or sensation, that no human could ever resist. Erhm... I lied. Maybe, that was overexaggerating. Still, it's amazing to see how much influence ones writings can have. I, sometimes, feel inferior when I compare some of their stuff to mine. I do not do it intentionally. It just subconciously happens. As Miles would say, "my voice doesn't seem loud enough", or, as Dav would say, "I critique myself too hard". Anything, I can possibly spout from my brain, seems to be terribly written, and I think that I should discard it, no matter how good it may, or may not, be. Though I may seem to be harsh on Miles writings, I only do it because nobody else will. Not to say I want to "hate" on him, because he has no haters, because him having no haters would be a lie, but to say it because so many people praise his work, but they fail to see his mistakes. I tell him how good it is, but I point out his flaws. I think that the way people go about commenting his blogs are wrong sometimes. Yes, it is good that you give him credit, but I fail to see why you can't tell him that he could have done this better, or how you missed that connection you could have made. To me, that way shows him that while he is doing well, he can still improve. I only do it so he can be better, because it would be nice to see how good his writings may become.

I do not know why people like to see their names in others blogs. Maybe it is because it shows that one is thinking about the other person or something. I was talking to Sua, and she was happy because she was mentioned in some of my older blogs. I wanted to ask why, but I did not. Mostly because, at that time, it was not of any importance to me, and to be honest, it still isn't.

I am so out of tune with the social world. Everyone and everything seem so distant to me, for one reason or another. Of course, this is mostly my fault, due to me not really talking to anyone, but I always fail to see why I have to talk to someone first. Then again, it [almost] always seems that way to the person that starts talking.

I have become sooooo mellow. Like, I am ridiculously calm the majority of the time, unless I'm playing a game lol. Speaking of that, my GC controller broke. >.< I was immensly displeased to find out that it doesn't work anymore. Sadly, I am not sure how to get a new one. I will not be able to play brawl for awhile, which sucks, because I can not practice. Remember earlier, when, I was on the topic of how easy things come to me. Well, smash is different. I sucked so badly at smash, when I first stated playing. I just used to spam smashes, because they were the strongest moves. I thought that would lead to me winning, but I played HeaT one day and got utterly destroyed. When I play shooting games, or sports games, even puzzle games, everything seems to just come to me, but Smash is different. I had to practice to get good. I didn't magically attain the level of skill at which I am, by picking up the game. I practiced so much. I've never spent this much time on anything in my life, and I am proud of myself. While others think that I am wasting my time on some stupid game, I am quite content with how this has shaped me. In fact, this game correlates to my work ethic, which used to suck sooooo badly, until I learned how to approach things from this game. I think, that this game has made me a better person. Could I have done things differently and become an even better person? who knows? Too late to find out that.

~PF~