today was a day of ups and downs. i'm not sure which one was more occurent, but they were definitely there. the night before this one, I told myself i would wake up at 5 to finish my work that i hadn't finished last night. I didn't sleep too well and woke up about 4 times before 5. then once 5 hit i didn't want to get up, so i went back to sleep. and woke up about 10 minutes later. i repeated that process until about 6:08. i realized that i really have like no determination to do my work. i wasn't able to get up and i would rather had failed then get up. on the same token, i also came to the conclusion that it just takes me awhile to realize when i'm being stupid and try to do better. I finished my work and caught the bus in time. normal entry into the school. i went to laye to see if my outlines had improved or not. he told me that im' getting better. i was pretty happy to hear that, because i tried harder than i did before. i think i may actually get a B or A on it. i went to... oh ya klawonn's room, but before i got there i saw yvette come out =]. i thought that's how i would look but when i saqw her i noticed something in her face and she didn't come to me she just walked away. i was a little bothered by that but i knew that something had to be wrong so it didn't really affect me that much. we got to keith's room and she told me that she is in trouble. i don't understand why she is being treated the way she is, but i think it's being a little unfair to her. anywhoo... Food and nutrition was full of laughs. WHO THE F*** CUTS FRENCH FRIES. hahaha lmao vernon was killing me. didn't do much, in that class as normal. 2nd period is where my first down comes into play. i walk down the halway and see yvette still mad, and now on top of everything she can't find her Ipod. i would return the laughter to her from when someone stole my DS, but i dont feel as though it's necessary. So, i get into class and i'm fine. then i make a joke about how i'm on probation and Jasmine starts yelling and cussing at me. I do not like when people yell at me at all. it angers me. i especially don't like when they're yelling cus words at me. i didn't respond to anyone for awhile. i did my work and could tell people knew that something was wrong with me. uhm... left that class and went to english. that's when an up occured. i don't even know why. i just got high spirits i guess. anyway, i didn't do anything special that class. i read my book for bookshare. though i did realize that people really think that i'm different. all i did was tell them to look for fear and everyone says thats something different. why are you so different? i don't really know the answer to that question, so i didn't attempt to answer it. uhm... rated girls but not really. yvette gave Edem and miles higher scored than me, but yet she likes me so much more lol. i don't really get how that works, but whateverrrr. I was supposed to do yvette's math club work but i forgot. she tried to throw all of it on me before 4th period. i didn't find that to be fair, but i told her i would do it, so i attempted anyway. Sua and i started our own journal similar to miles' and sabrina's journal thing, but i don't think ours will be that successful. i hope that it turns out ot be, but i mean what could i really gain from this? idk. 4th period was the same chilled watched stuff on youtube, and left lol. i did realize when we had like 4 min left that i hadn't done any of yvette's problems except one. i was pretty disappointed in myself. i didn't do anything all class and could have done her problems but i didn't. school ended and yvette was happier i guess. she wasn't like =D but she was like =], so that brought up my spirits when i saw her again. uhhh i went home... went to sleep without telling anyone. i had to clean the bathroom. didn't talk to yvette much. found out that i could do stuff on weekends =]. almost went to mccoy's house, because he got UNS, but he left lol. i was stoked to play it but couldn't, because i didn't clean the bathroom. Heat and I lost a match on GB. it was actually quite entertaining but the loss was upsetting and demoralizing. My brawl has begun to malfunction. i hope it was only for that brief period. not much happened. oh and i realized that i need to start wrting my diary in a journal for two reasons:
1) it's portable and i can write on the go, instead of waiting untilt i get home
2) how private is a diary that anyone can see? doesn't that defeat the purpose of it?
OH and lately i have been like ridiculously horny. like i need some sex badly.
ya a pretty ok day i guess. it seems like it was more ups than downs from what i typed in this entry so... the day was fine.
might not be doing these entries online anymore.
but i'll still blog =]
Later!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
11/20/08
well, i guess i should start using this place as my diary, because i said that i needed one, and this seems like a good place for one.I know i don't like using names in my blogs, but it's my diary and i think it would help me when i want to remember something. I should write this like everyday.
anywhoo today wasn't really a good day, but more or a fun/funny day. i woke up a little late and almost missed my bus. i expected to do so, because it usually comes around 7:07 and i didn't get to the bus stop until around 7:11. So i got on and off the bus as normal and went to class. i always get to 1st early and just sit there. today was a little different because i just had a feeling we would have a test. i took it upon myself to get a calculus book and review the limit definition of the derivative. I still don't remember how to do it, but at least i remembered the formula. After i little reviewing i remembered that it had been 67 hours and Sua would talk to me. I got excited and checked to see if she was still out at her locker, but she wasn't. i was a little saddened, but when i looked to the right i saw yvette. Then i was like =] lol. So i hugged and i told her i was sad that sua wasn't there, and she said ok she'll be there. then i forgot about it like immediately after lol. Klawonn came and ran everyone away like the big mean grinch that he is lol. I went to class and as i expected we had a quiz. it was on the power rule and i knew i had that down pact, so i had nothing to worry about. i aced it and moved on. i learned how to do the derivative with respect to time of a non-right triangle. class ended and i was walking to 2nd period. Andrew stopped me and said "so it begins". i replied with "what are you talking about?". He explained to me how Tashauna and scooby are usually at the locker before class, but today he just gave dap to Sua and walked straight past her and she had to chase after him. i find it funny that there is an increase in him talking to me since like three days ago. anyway, i went into class and saw Sua. i was reluctant to say anything and then i remembered that it had been 69 hours by that point and said "hi". i find it funny that i was so excited to be able to talk to her again, but that was the only time i talked to her that day, and the conversation wasn't even that long. Everything was settled and i saw Tashauna walk into the classroom and sit down. I noticed a bit of depression in her face and it looked like she was about to cry. This was part of the reason i didn't want to tell anyone else about the whole thing. i'm not sure if scooby heard it from her or someone else, but i would have liked for her to decide how to deal with telling him or not telling him, not anyone else. anywayyyy we had a test in lit. seminar and i think i did pretty well for not having read the book. class was over and i went outside and chilled. miles said sua couldn't go in his pockets because she's a girl but yvette is different. i feel as though he thinks of her as just one of the guys lol. Lunch i chilled didn't really do much. the norm. uhm... oh then i went to gym. we had to go in the weight room, but i didn't want to, so instead i elected to ask my teacher if i could go outside (in 40 degree weather) and play football. it was fun. our teams were unfair and we blew them out. I found out that people thought Bam was slow and i laughed at how naive they were. I went back inside and to the gym and saw that Brittany wasn't with her Gf as normal. i didn't think anything of it and started to play basketball. i did well for being so cold. i had like 25 in 5 min of me playing 50. 4th period we had a test and boy did i fail. i realized i was taking some of my classes too lightly and need to fix that. that's the 3rd test i found out i failed this week and that is usually what gets me by. Now that i'm not able to apply the material i must learn it by doing, not by watching and listening. i really need to start busting that work lol. i got home and was sleepy, so i went to sleep. i told yvette that i was going to sleep and i would wake up at 6 to finish all my work. She told me to promise her that i would do ALL my work. i was ignorant of the fact that i didn't know how much work i had and just made a promise without knowing what i was promising. I ended up awaking at 6:46 and saw that she had called me at 6:04. i was upset because i know i let her down, even if she wouldn't tell me. i called her but it did'nt go through. istarted my work and only finished my presidential outline. i felt like i really lied to her because i promised her i would do something and i didn't. had an interesting conversation with miles abou this life. those are rare nowadays. i stil need to make a decision about what i'm doing for my bookshare. uhm... i think tha'ts it. now i'm heading to bed and getting ready for another day =].
so ya happy days. happy days. Later!
anywhoo today wasn't really a good day, but more or a fun/funny day. i woke up a little late and almost missed my bus. i expected to do so, because it usually comes around 7:07 and i didn't get to the bus stop until around 7:11. So i got on and off the bus as normal and went to class. i always get to 1st early and just sit there. today was a little different because i just had a feeling we would have a test. i took it upon myself to get a calculus book and review the limit definition of the derivative. I still don't remember how to do it, but at least i remembered the formula. After i little reviewing i remembered that it had been 67 hours and Sua would talk to me. I got excited and checked to see if she was still out at her locker, but she wasn't. i was a little saddened, but when i looked to the right i saw yvette. Then i was like =] lol. So i hugged and i told her i was sad that sua wasn't there, and she said ok she'll be there. then i forgot about it like immediately after lol. Klawonn came and ran everyone away like the big mean grinch that he is lol. I went to class and as i expected we had a quiz. it was on the power rule and i knew i had that down pact, so i had nothing to worry about. i aced it and moved on. i learned how to do the derivative with respect to time of a non-right triangle. class ended and i was walking to 2nd period. Andrew stopped me and said "so it begins". i replied with "what are you talking about?". He explained to me how Tashauna and scooby are usually at the locker before class, but today he just gave dap to Sua and walked straight past her and she had to chase after him. i find it funny that there is an increase in him talking to me since like three days ago. anyway, i went into class and saw Sua. i was reluctant to say anything and then i remembered that it had been 69 hours by that point and said "hi". i find it funny that i was so excited to be able to talk to her again, but that was the only time i talked to her that day, and the conversation wasn't even that long. Everything was settled and i saw Tashauna walk into the classroom and sit down. I noticed a bit of depression in her face and it looked like she was about to cry. This was part of the reason i didn't want to tell anyone else about the whole thing. i'm not sure if scooby heard it from her or someone else, but i would have liked for her to decide how to deal with telling him or not telling him, not anyone else. anywayyyy we had a test in lit. seminar and i think i did pretty well for not having read the book. class was over and i went outside and chilled. miles said sua couldn't go in his pockets because she's a girl but yvette is different. i feel as though he thinks of her as just one of the guys lol. Lunch i chilled didn't really do much. the norm. uhm... oh then i went to gym. we had to go in the weight room, but i didn't want to, so instead i elected to ask my teacher if i could go outside (in 40 degree weather) and play football. it was fun. our teams were unfair and we blew them out. I found out that people thought Bam was slow and i laughed at how naive they were. I went back inside and to the gym and saw that Brittany wasn't with her Gf as normal. i didn't think anything of it and started to play basketball. i did well for being so cold. i had like 25 in 5 min of me playing 50. 4th period we had a test and boy did i fail. i realized i was taking some of my classes too lightly and need to fix that. that's the 3rd test i found out i failed this week and that is usually what gets me by. Now that i'm not able to apply the material i must learn it by doing, not by watching and listening. i really need to start busting that work lol. i got home and was sleepy, so i went to sleep. i told yvette that i was going to sleep and i would wake up at 6 to finish all my work. She told me to promise her that i would do ALL my work. i was ignorant of the fact that i didn't know how much work i had and just made a promise without knowing what i was promising. I ended up awaking at 6:46 and saw that she had called me at 6:04. i was upset because i know i let her down, even if she wouldn't tell me. i called her but it did'nt go through. istarted my work and only finished my presidential outline. i felt like i really lied to her because i promised her i would do something and i didn't. had an interesting conversation with miles abou this life. those are rare nowadays. i stil need to make a decision about what i'm doing for my bookshare. uhm... i think tha'ts it. now i'm heading to bed and getting ready for another day =].
so ya happy days. happy days. Later!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
so quick to jump.
i was sitting in class today and i made a very astute observation. people are very quick to jump to conclusions. what happens afterwards is dependent of the person that jumped to the conclusion. Today in class a good friend of mine had to do his bookshare. it's an activity when someone gets in front of the class and reads somethihng that someone wrote. Now, today my friend chose to read a poem of his that you wrote entitled "I Wrote This for You". As soon as he read the title of the poem to them different things occured. one person blurted out it about so and so. once that person said it someone else said "i thought that, but i didn't say it". others just said "awwwww", assuming it was a love poem. I, having read the poem already, knew what it was about, so i thought to myself "you all are wrong and should feel a little remorse for yelling out those incorrect things. This made me wonder if people jump to conclusions about everything. people see me and they make many judgements of me based off what they see. then they soon find out that they are wrong about they're first impression of who i am. anyway... After they heard the poem, they all clapped and applauded and said "omg that was soo good" and "can i hear it again". what happened to it being a love poem? you were pretty sure you were right, but after you heard it it was like oh... that was sooo good. i'm guessing the oh was to show that you had made a mistake. now.. what i noticed is how each person reacted to the title. One person was quick to blurt out they're assumption, while another was going to stay quiet, but still thought it. it wasn't until someone else said something that they decided to join. Do people really have to wait for someone else to do something before they can do it themselves? i still don't get how everyone jumped to conclusions immediately after hearing just the title. You is a pronoun/ it could be used to substitute for
MANY things, but yet people insisted that it had to be that one person. I hope this doesn't happen on a daily basis. actually now that i think about it... i noticed this a few years ago. i just didn't express it in anyway.i laugh when i hear:
"OMG i was totally wrong about you"
wait what? how were you wrong about me? how would you have ANY idea of who i am by just looking at me?
maaannn people suck lol. Later.
MANY things, but yet people insisted that it had to be that one person. I hope this doesn't happen on a daily basis. actually now that i think about it... i noticed this a few years ago. i just didn't express it in anyway.i laugh when i hear:
"OMG i was totally wrong about you"
wait what? how were you wrong about me? how would you have ANY idea of who i am by just looking at me?
maaannn people suck lol. Later.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
current situation.
so everyone seems to know my situation by now so it's no point of stating it again. everyday that i live through it i learn something new about the people i know. For example, everyone that is really close to my Gf seemed to cease almost all communications with me. now i could understand them being a little upset, but for them to stop talking to me because of something i did 4 months ago is a little funny. so, i thought of it in another way. As i thought about it i realized that the people that are close to the both of us still talk to me alot. Then i realized that those people that don't talk to me anymore only talked to me because i am with my Gf. I took it into speculation for a moment and flipped the script. now if she was to do what i did, what would happen? would the people that are so mad a me now, be that mad at her? would they stop talking to her? i also wonder if they would actually want her to tell me, or keep it on the low like i did, before i realized my mistake. are people really that confused with themselves that they can't decide what they want to do? honestly i couldn't see any of the people that stopped talking to me stop talking to her. they just wouldn't they only stopped talking to me because it's me. it made me realize that the people she chose to be around are hypocrites. i took into consideration my close friends and they wouldn't have stopped talking to her, so it's not like they're being hypocrtitcal at all. Then again people tend to be hypocrtical by nature. I just don't get it.
Oh... another thing. why don't people talk to me about this? i've gotten one person to talk to me about this. she has stopped talking to me, but she says it's temporary for 66 hours lol. she's just awkward so she doesn't fit into the above section's group of people. actually no there have been about 3 people that talked to me briefly. Now.. i did the actions, yet almost nobody has talked to me about it. They've talked ABOUT me, but not TO me. I don't understand how you'll learn anything out of talking about people if you don't know what you're talking about. you won't learn what type of person someone is because you didn't talk to them. you're making a bunch of assumptions that just lead to false accusations. if you want to view a person based of false accusations then that's fine with me, but it won't make you any better as a person. like, nobody knows how i feel about the whole thing unless they talk to me about it. ya i put some of it out there in my blogs, but you won't get everything out of them. they'll still be assumptions. actually no, they'll be better. they'll be inferences, which you can base off my words but still not get the meaning. if you think i feel one way, but you aren't sure how about you just idk.. maybe ask how i feel about it. you look at me and say idc... my face says idc but my heart doesn't. unless you can see my heart's emotions you won't know that unless i tell you. gosh just ask a f'ing question for once.
Oh but i do applaud someone for reading my blog and realizing that they judged me incorrectly before they actually read the blog and made an inference on how i felt. i thank that person for at least trying.
this blog thing is fun. i could get used to this. Later!
Oh... another thing. why don't people talk to me about this? i've gotten one person to talk to me about this. she has stopped talking to me, but she says it's temporary for 66 hours lol. she's just awkward so she doesn't fit into the above section's group of people. actually no there have been about 3 people that talked to me briefly. Now.. i did the actions, yet almost nobody has talked to me about it. They've talked ABOUT me, but not TO me. I don't understand how you'll learn anything out of talking about people if you don't know what you're talking about. you won't learn what type of person someone is because you didn't talk to them. you're making a bunch of assumptions that just lead to false accusations. if you want to view a person based of false accusations then that's fine with me, but it won't make you any better as a person. like, nobody knows how i feel about the whole thing unless they talk to me about it. ya i put some of it out there in my blogs, but you won't get everything out of them. they'll still be assumptions. actually no, they'll be better. they'll be inferences, which you can base off my words but still not get the meaning. if you think i feel one way, but you aren't sure how about you just idk.. maybe ask how i feel about it. you look at me and say idc... my face says idc but my heart doesn't. unless you can see my heart's emotions you won't know that unless i tell you. gosh just ask a f'ing question for once.
Oh but i do applaud someone for reading my blog and realizing that they judged me incorrectly before they actually read the blog and made an inference on how i felt. i thank that person for at least trying.
this blog thing is fun. i could get used to this. Later!
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