Ahh.

So, I'm in the middle of an argument again. It's pretty stupid in my opinion, but I'm going along with it. Anywhoo, I'm in the middle of an argument, and I just decided to stop. Not stop arguing, but stop trying to please people. Like, F*** them. I get pissed off so often. I don't really show it, but I do. When I do show it, for one split second, something goes wrong. Apparently, I'm supposed to be this happy person. Nowadays it's the opposite. I sit here, and I'm fine. nothing is wrong. I'm enjoying my day. then outta nowhere BAM, depression. It's like I'm not expected to be in a good mood. I was in an excellent mood when I awakened this afternoon. I was talkative and everything. Now, I'm just as mad and sad as I was yesterday, and the day before. I want to be happy, but it seems like I can't. these little things didn't used to get to me so much, but now, life is really hitting me in the face, like life hit me so hard that the me in this metaphor died. I have no job, no future, no present. Maybe this is just the depression talking, but meh. I just don't seem to be able to shrug off the things I could before.

I hate opening up to people. Like, I try to be all nice and stuff, for awhile. eventually, someone would have to meet the true me. Everytime some does, he just seems to get mad at me all the time. I'm always mad. I don't care how happy I am. WIth that happiness, i'm mad. I can be both happy and mad at the same time. I can be mad and mad at the same time. Usually i'm happy and mad. It's just how I am. So, when somebody does something to annoy me, it adds to my mad and subtracts from my happy. I'm just an angry person at heart.

I hate when people complain about things that are in their control. Like when people say their life sucks, then they can make it unsuck. and if it's too late, then it's probably their fault that their life sucks in the first place. Or, say that somebody started smoking and drinking and stuff, but now they can't quit. They blame the drugs instead of themselves. Ah! but I do seem to hate when people put too much blame on themselves, like I usually do.

I wonder if anyone actually know what a blog is. Like it actually is a weblog. A log on the web, or blog for short. haha that almost sounded like a dictionary definition.

I wacthed family guy for the first time in awhile the other day. That s*** was tooooooo funny. lmfao lmfao lolololl lmaoooo hahahaha. Peter is hilarious.


I just remembered, when yvette told me that people wonder what I'm thinking. Why the hell would someone want to know what I'm thinking? lmfaooo I actually kinda want someone to answer that haha.

I was just told that someone couldn't react to me the way that they wanted to, because they don't know how I'll react. I wonder if I scare people. Or do I like, Idk, uh change people I guess? not really what I was looking for. Uhm.. do I idk maaannn. dang. I just wonder if people react to me differently, because... scratch that... I just wonder why people react to me differently than others. I mean obviously, because it's me, but like what about me.

I'm about to go watch some TV.

Meh.

I get so F***ing tired of things sometimes. Like if I were to just sit there and think about some things, and how they end, I would be extremely mad. I don't even know why. I'm supposed to be living this great life and whatnot. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right. It's kinda just there, which is good I guess. I mean, who wants to be dead? hmm... bad question lol. anyway, I feel like I'm not really good at anything right now. Maybe smash, but I even feel like I suck at that. I got 33rd out of 51 at my last tournament, meaning I beat one single person in a set. I lost to a scrub and someone decent that I know I could have beaten. I get so upset when I lose to people that aren't really better than I am. I was just thinking about how much effort I put into that game, and how i still lose to mediocre players. I play people and I can read them, but there isn't a single thing I can do about it. When it all comes down to it, I realize that the character I play is holding me back. I can't get around stupid stuff, because I don't have a way around it. I should be able it punish mistakes but i can't. I just sit there and get hit by the same stuff over and over again. It's sooooo F***ing frustrating. Like, dude wtf? you aren't even outplaying me, you're just spamming s*** that I can't get around. I should be better than this. I should be getting close to top 8 at these tournaments and I'm not, because some stupid B**** will pick a character and just press the same button over and over again, then I lose. I shouldn't have to deal with that S*** and I don't. I really shouldn't be complaining, because I can switch characters, but I don't want to. I shouldn't have to switch just because of some Bull*** in the game. whatever. I'll just get better and hopefully i'll learn to get around this stuff.

I also realize that I get tired of people, if I don't see them. Like, I don't know what the problem is, but I just stop really caring after awhile. Like Edem for example. I really can not put my finger on it, but I really don't care about him at the moment. I could easily see me not talking to him ever again, and not caring. He's not the only person that I view like this. There are plenty of people i see in my life now that I would not give eight F***s if they weren't there anymore. Most of them already seem like they aren't.

I'm poor. I need a job. I can't do alot of the things I want to do, because I have no money. If I were to have a job, htne I would have money. Sadly, I seem to fail at getting hired. Maybe, I should just ask more places for applications. I'm bound to get hired eventually.

I'm on the phone right now, if I want to call it that. I don't even have the phone to my ear. It's kinda just sitting around me, just in case a word is spoken. Anywhoo, as I'm sitting here, I began to wonder, "Why the H*** am i sitting here?". Like, Dude I don't even go with this girl anymore, and I'm still on the phone not saying anything at all.

Lately, more and more people have been calling me depressed. Now, I've been called depressed for years, but like it hasn't been as prevalent as it is now. It's like everyday somebody asks me why I look so depressed, including people I never met in my life. I didn't actually start feeling depressed until like a month or two ago. It's gotten to the point where I would call someone, and their mother would ask why I SOUND depressed.

I have a sleeping problem. That S*** always comes back to haunt me every now and then. I told myself I wouldn't fall into a bad sleeping habit this summer, but I did. It kinda sucks, because I usually want to do stuff during the day, but I wake up too late.

I hate when people talk about me. Like, not even negatively. Like just if someone were talking about me to someone else, it would just piss me off. I don't know why though. It's just kinda annoying to me. Like dude. Wth are you talking about me?

The other day, I realized that if I'm talking to someone, as rare as that may be, I have to know where they are. I don't exactly know why, but I have to know where the person is. It's pretty weird.

I guess I'm done for now. blah blah blah. Yaaaaaa.